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A Confession and a Leaning In

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confession

This summer has been amazing, chaotic, spacious and a bit of a wake up call.

I realized, again, that even the queen of Self-Care (me) can get caught in the downward spiral of busy-ness, excuses and feeling shitty and even paralyzed by all there is to do in running and growing a business while running a household and raising a child.

Today, I finally allowed myself to admit that I need a pause, help and a break. Thank GOD for my sister. She felt me from across the miles and tuned in to exactly what I was needing to hear.

I know I know … this is EXACTLY what I help other women to do in their own lives. To find that juicy blissful center of the venn diagram of life, business, family, health and passionate self-expression. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been the one that friends come to for advice. I have to confess that I liked it that way. I’ve always found it a bit hard .. OK REALLY HARD to ask for advice.

When I hire a coach, they are PAID to listen to me and to strategize and guide me. And all of the juicy goodness that my amazing coaches do with me and for me. BUT … with friends and family and for ME … I have to admit that it’s not the same. At least in my own mind.

So .. this last month I haven’t posted a single Wednesday blog post. Instead I put all of my energy into helping others who need my time and attention … the amazing women in my mastermind group, my private clients, my son, my husband, my girlfriends, my mom, even my dog. They all got the best pieces of me. Everyone accept ME. How did that happen? One slippery step at a time.

And a month later, I found myself in a heap of tears on the phone with my sister. She lovingly and wisely reminded me that I am my #1 asset … and that I need to take care of me first. Hmmm … I’ve heard that somewhere before. ;p.

So I promised that I would go take care of me. I told my husband I was leaving for an hour and I went on a long, fast, gorgeous walk in the forest around my home.

I cried it out. I paused to look at the flowers, the baby deer and the butterflies. I put my feet in the dirt. Then I came home and had a heart opening talk with my husband. Sharing, finally, how the (self-imposed) stress had been building up. I shared how I need help in my business, in my home and that I need space to take care of ME.

As always, he was super supportive. Honestly, it was ME, myself and I who had slowly put ME on the back-burner over the last few weeks. I set some BIG financial and business goals for myself these last few months … and simply let the BIGNESS of those goals take the front seat in my life.

Once again, I am humbled to learn and re-learn the same lessons again. I hear you loud and clear universe. I will put ME at the top of my list again. I will allow others to help me. I will receive from others and allow myself to be still. I know how I want to feel everyday … guided, turned on, healthy, on purpose, thriving, peaceful and abundant. And in order to feel these things, I must filter my day, my to-do list, and my goals through them.

So I take a deep breath, and a cold shower and I ask myself what I need most. And today I will begin to give that to myself once again.
I will lean into my most desired feelings, my deepest knowings, my being-here-nowness. I will remind myself daily to play well, sweat hard, dance with abandon, sleep when I’m tired, meditate and reconnect, to laugh easily, to lighten up … and when I forget, I will allow myself to be reminded and supported and loved. 

I will let the tears flow when they need to, and I will allow my heart to open wide.

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  • Natasha August 3, 2014, 1:07 am

    Beautiful! I love you, Elena!

  • admin August 3, 2014, 1:13 am

    Thank you Natasha. So much love to you too. <3

  • Heather August 4, 2014, 3:22 am

    Such a lovely post. Thank you for being courageous enough to show your vulnerability. When you are living life in the trenches, you will eventually run into frustrations and overwhelm. It’s a sign you are stretching yourself. Recognizing the signs and taking the steps to remedy the situation show that you understand what your clients are going through and demonstrate that you have earned your divine self care mentor stripes. Hugs 🙂

  • admin August 4, 2014, 8:08 pm

    Thank you Heather. Vulnerability doesn’t come easy … but sharing is key to letting others know it’s ok to ask for help and to give yourself what you need most.

    Thank you love!
    <3

  • Dawn Gibson August 4, 2014, 8:22 pm

    Elena,

    Thank you so much for sharing. You are such an incredible woman and light in this world. I am grateful for your openness on this subject as I know it can be hard to be so vulnerable sometimes.

    Thank you for continuing to be YOU and to share your inspiration with us.

    xxoo
    Dawn

  • admin August 4, 2014, 8:24 pm

    Thank you Dawn. This goes both ways. You inspire me to ask myself the hard questions and really listen.

    Thank YOU for continuing to open more and more and inspire the same in me and so many others.
    xox

  • Connie August 7, 2014, 8:29 am

    Dear Elena,

    I am so grateful for you sharing this. I love how self care is being taught and modeled. When I was a young mother, I had been taught and it was the norm to do it ALL! It showed others and yourself how strong and capable you were. Ii was amazing at all that I could do.
    Now that I am a grandmother, pushing through and working that hard doesn’t bring joy and happiness and it just doesn’t work anymore.
    I appreciate you being so transparent and sharing this.
    Warmly,
    Connie

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